Monday, February 27, 2012

Time is Flying

Jul 17, 2008

Time is Flying

I can't believe how long it's been since I've sat down to blog anything. Even now, as I sit at the computer my mind is almost completely blank. Although, pregnancy could have a lot to do with that at the moment! lol
The last time I blogged I was thinking about Faith and Christmas....I think. God, how time flies. I can't believe that she's been gone now for almost 8 months. I realized how long it's been just this week and it really doesn't seem possible. I'm doing okay. I have my moments and my days when something will trigger the memories and the pain and the tears will flow non stop for a while. It's so true what they say about learning to live with it. You don't get over it and the pain NEVER eases or goes away. You just learn to live...somehow. The days go by, then weeks, then months...and suddenly you realize that you're still alive and you're making it...just not sure how. I'll be fine for long periods of time and suddenly I crack and I feel that same heart wrenching pain that I felt the night she died. It still hurts just as bad during those moments but then the moments pass and I'm okay again until the next time. Thank God for Abby who keeps me busy busy busy!!! lol
Speaking of Abby....she's growing so fast. I can't believe she's over 13 months old already. It just doesn't seem possible. She's so smart and such a ham. She already has more personality than even she can control! lol We went on vacation recently and while we were gone my dad painted her new room....her sister's old room. It's soooo very very different now. It doesn't look anything like Faith's room. Her room was a dark purple...calm/peaceful/serene just like Faith. Now the room has changed and it has two Sunshine/orange walls and two lime green walls. *YIKES!!* lol It's LOUD and WILD and CRAZY....just like Abby! It fits her and her personality just as Faith's room did her.
Why did we switch her room? Well in case you didn't know....Abby's going to be a big sister on September 19th! Yes that's right! My due date is Sept. 25th but they have already scheduled the c-section for the 19th at 7:30am. That is when Samuel Boyd is scheduled to make his appearance...unless of course he has other plans as did his sister Abby and doesn't wait for that date! Everthing looks great and as of last week he was weighing in at 3lbs! We are thrilled to be having a little boy....what a difference that will be in what has been a house of "pink". Daddy is excited beyond belief but don't let that fool you....his little girl has him wrapped around her little finger and has no plans to release him anytime soon....which is just fine with him! ;)
Well I guess that's all that's really new with us. We've just been busy with Abby and getting ready for Sammy. I've never been pregnant through the summer and it's about to kill me! I hate the thought of August and more intense heat to come. There's something to be said for pregnancies that end by early June!!!!
3:04 PM
  • Post a comment...
      Andreanna Burnside- Kou… Ive been absent from myspace for soo long I dont even remeber if I knew about your pregnancy. Congratulations in case I havent said it before. I hope this last week or so goes smooth as well as the c-section too.
      3 years ago
      Montie I'm glad you updated! I think about you a lot, and i miss you sooo sooo much. So much has been going on in my life too, and i'm sorry that I haven't been in touch. i love you soooo much, and we really must catch up soon. I'm so glad that your pregnancy is going great and that you are able to find such joy and happiness in your life, despite all the pain you have been through. Faith was a precious angel that blessed everyone that had any contact with her of any kind. I know that you know that she's still around, watching over you and and her little sister - and new little brother that's on the way.


      I have always considered your friendship a great blessing in my life, and also a precious gift from God.


      I love you.
Posted by at No comments:

I wonder

Dec 23, 2007

I wonder

Well I haven't blogged in a while so I thought I'd hop on here real quick. Funny thing is now that I'm sitting at the computer my mind is blank. I'm so tired and really should be in bed but I got into a cleaning groove and took care of the kitchen and most of the living room.
There's nothing new to tell or really worth telling as far as I go. I've done pretty good lately and am learning day by day to function and get used to having just one little one to care for. I don't have a lot of idle time to sit and mope. Little miss Abby keeps me pretty busy! lol I don't know what I would do without her. Her smile keeps me going every day. I swear she gets more beautiful, precious, sweet and smart by the minute.
This week she's learned to slap her hand/arm like there's no tomorrow. It's a great source of entertainment to her and she finds it hilarious. She smacks everything and the same motion is also used as a wave. I can walk in the room and wave at her and she will grin and happily beat her excersaucer, highchair tray, knee, whatever's available. She's trying so hard to talk and will gab and babble for hours while she plays. Of course her daddy is thrilled because during the last couple of days she's learned to say "da-da". It's absolutely adorable. She'll say it and then smile really big. She's so proud of herself.
I know this isn't much of a blog but I wanted to let you all know that we're doing okay. I'm tired, emotionally, mentally and physically, but I guess that's expected. Believe it or not I'm getting more excited little by little about Christmas. Not for myself, but for Abby and Chris. I love to give presents and watch loved one's faces when they open a gift that I know they'll love or be surprised about. That's my favorite part of the gift giving season....not getting gifts but giving them and watching my family's reactions. I can't wait to see Abby on Christmas morning. She's going to be so cute now that she notices EVERYTHING new and is really getting into toys and anything that makes noise.
As good as a Christmas we'll have here I can't help but imagine what Christmas will be like for Faith. Can you imagine? I mean, think of all the lights and decorations we have here on earth to celebrate Jesus' birthday and how beautiful the decorations can be. Now imagine being in Heaven and what the decorations and festivities there must be like. I mean, Faith gets to celebrate Jesus' birthday WITH HIM. I bet the decorations and heavenly lights up there are far beyond anything that we could imagine or even try to do here on earth. As my sister said a couple of weeks ago "Lu, can you just imagine what Heaven's Christmas decorations look like? Holy Cow! I mean they get to celebrate with the man himself! What a party that must be!!" lol She's right. Faith will have the best Christmas over any of the rest of us. I'm happy for her but God do I miss my baby. I wonder what she's doing right now? I wonder if she remembers me or thinks about her mommy? Now that she can talk I wonder what the first thing she'd want to say to me would be? I wonder what her favorite thing to do is? I wonder if she thinks about me as often as I think about her?
Merry Christmas sweet angel. Mommy misses you sooo much and I love you even more.
1:47 AM
  • Post a comment...
      Michele Billings Lu~~

      I think you are absolutely right about Faith! How lucky and blessed she is! Christmas will be so fun with our JB's. As I wrap the big kids presents, Kaley is throwing a temper tantrum because I won't let her eat the paper!! Silly goose!! I can't wait!!
      Make sure you post pictures!!
      Have a Wonderful Christmas!!

      Michele and Kaley
      ... Show more
      4 years ago
      Alyssa Honey, i bet she thinks about you ALL the time. SHe watches over you and Abby every minute of every day. I love your description of christmas in heaven. I hope you have a beautiful christmas with Abby and I hope Faith sends you a sign that she is celebrating with you.
Posted by at No comments:

Faith's first Christmas in Heaven...Poem

Dec 7, 2007

Faith first Christmas in Heaven

A dear friend and one of Faith's nurses sent this poem to me and I wanted to share it.
Merry Christmas Angel, I love you!
MY FIRST CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN
I see the countless Christmas trees, around the world below
with tiny lights like heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away your tears,
for I am sharing Christmas, with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs, that people hold so dear,
but the sounds of music can't compare, with the Christmas choir here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy the voices bring,
it's far beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me. I see the pain within your heart,
but I am not so far away. We really aren't apart.
So be happy for me, loved ones. You know I hold you dear,
and be glad I'm spending Christmas, with Jesus Christ this year.
I send you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above,
I send you each a memory, of my undying love.
After all, Love is the gift, more precious than pure gold,
It was always most important, in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,
for I can't count the blessings, or the love He has for you.
So, have a Merry Christmas, and wipe away those tears,
for I am sharing Christmas, with Jesus Christ this year.
1:08 AM
  • Post a comment...
Posted by at No comments:

My final goodbye to Faith

Dec 2, 2007

My final goodbye to Faith

Current mood:drained
Hello friends.
This is just a short hello. I'm so worn out, weak, and numb. We went to the funeral home today so that I could say my final goodbyes to Faith. (omg just typing her name makes me break down :() I kissed and loved on her, put her hair into pigtails (they are going to cut her hair so that I can save it and make a shadow box). Then Robbie (the guy from the funeral home) promised me that he would take good care of her as if she were his own. Then he said he was going to take her to the back room (where they keep the caskets and urns) and put her in her little plastic casket from the hospital until tomorrow's cremation. I asked him if I could carry her back and he said of course.
So I reached down and gently picked her up out of her little rocking chair for the very last time. She felt so different today, so much stiffer than Thursday when I was dressing her for the viewings. I held her close to me breathing in the sweet smell of her hair and gently kissing that tiny nose. I carried her to the room and when we got in there he asked if we had a blanket. I got the one I'd made for her when I was pregnat with her so long ago. Robbie said that he felt one of the large beautiful caskets would be softer. my dad layed her blanket in the one Robbie picked out. I walked over to it gently layed my angel down and pulled the blanket up, tucking her in for the night one final time. I pulled her hands out from under the blanket, she always HATED having her hands covered and would manage to free them all the time. I fixed her ponytails, stroked her face, arms, chest, and legs, trying so hard to remember every single detail. I leaned over and kissed her several times and talked to her for a little while as tears streamed down my cheeks and onto hers. I finally kissed her cheek and quickly turned and walked out of the room and back into the room where she'd been since Thursday. I sat on a couch and sobbed so hard hopping it would release some of the excrutiating physical pain, but it didn't. God help me the pain is horrible. Nothing helps. I've cried so much that there are times I literally sit and sob, my entire body shaking but not a single tear.
Today was my final goodbye. Tomorrow she'll be cremated and I'll never again be able to feel her skin, touch her hair, kiss her nose here in this lifetime. People say it will get better with time but I can't imagine how.
We are home now, the house seems so big and empty, even with Chris and Abby here. It's amazing how one teeny tiny being could fill a house so much. I sit and cry at the drop of a hat. Abby's growing so much and is suddenly fitting perfectly into all of her sister's 6-9 month clothes.
There are times when I'm holding Abby and I'll start to cry. Then the strangest thing happens. Abby will look me straight in the eyes, calm and quiet and just look at...no...INTO me. It's a look I've never seen in her eyes before, then she reaches up and puts her hand on my tear soaked cheek and holds it there for several moments. Then she'll very slowly smile at me. At those moments (and it's only been a few times) her smile is very different than her usual smiles, just as big but different. This has only happened a few times since Friday (the private family viewing). Because of how different everything about her is in those short moments, from the look in her eyes, to her gentle/tender touch, to an extremely loving and understanding smile, I've come to believe that in those times it's Faith, looking at me through her sister's eyes, touching my face through her little sister's hands and smiling at me through her sister's face...all to tell me "I know you're hurting mommy, let me wipe your tears. I can see you now and when you look at Abby, know that you're seeing me too. I can send you smiles through my little sis to let you know that I remember you, mommy, and I love you."
Thank you God for sending me Abby. She's my link to my angel in heaven.
6:47 PM
  • Post a comment...
      Jerseygirl in Florida Luanne, That was so sad but so touching I do believe Faith's spirit is coming through Abbey Try to stay strong our thoughts and prayers are with you Love you lots Jen
      4 years ago
      Angela Stanley Lu, I'm still thinking of you through this terrible difficult time. I have cried when you've been crying. I love you!
      Angela
      4 years ago
      Cindy Lou Who Luanne,
      You are amazing. Dawn has been sharing you and Faith with us at EE since you were pregnant, and your strength and trust in God has been such a blessing to me. Faith has been a blessing to all of us. Thank you for sharing her and you with us all. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you grieve your precious daughter, and I will definitely remember her always. Tons of Hugs to you.

      ~Cindy (booga)
      4 years ago
      Leigh Sweet Luanne... I prayed for you all weekend (and will continue to of course) - the blog broke my heart all over again for you. You are so right - thinking of sweet Faith in her new body and with Jesus brings a huge smile through my tears. Thank you for sharing this difficult journey with us all - I'll never look at my girls' smiles the same way again... I've passed on your inspiring story and strong faith on to many. ((((HUGS))))
      4 years ago
      ~Dawn~ I love you Luanne. I only know to pray for you. This is not a pain that words can comfort. Only His grace can. Just know that I am here and I love you and I'm praying for you. Give my sweet Abby love. She is truly a blessing.
      4 years ago
      Katie Larmore Luanne,
      Stay strong! You are a truly amazing person and especially mother. Hold Abby close and never let her go and know that Faith is living on through her. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
      Katie
      4 years ago
      Nora Garcia Luanne,
      I just dont know what to say.I dont want to say something that will prolly not make any sense.
      Your words make me cry,i can only imagine how you must feel actually going thru it.Your little baby girl is with Jesus and they are both looking down and smiling at you.I was Abby's age when my sister passed.Your little Faith reminds me of my sister.Both fought and proved doctors wrong.I wish i were with you so i could give you a big hug and just comfort you. I pray for you eveyrnight.for you,your husband,daughter,your whole family.And i do believe its Faith looking at you thru Abby.I really truly believe that.
      ... Show more
      4 years ago
      Chrissy Much love to you Lu...
      4 years ago
Posted by at No comments:

Watching my baby go

Nov 26, 2007

Watching my baby go

Room 208 has become our home in the past two and a half weeks. My precious sweet daughter was admitted with double bacterial pneumonia. She was recovering well when suddenly other problems began to arise.
For 5 months I've watched her changing. She's been losing weight and getting weaker. In the back of my mind I knew something was not right but she's always had issues and thought this was just another struggle with her weight. On our way to the hospital two weeks ago I knew this time was different. She was so weak, her body just seemed tired. She wasn't herself. My gut told me this would be our last time being admitted to the hospital with her, I was right.
Her little body has fought so hard for over 2 years. It's no wonder she's exhausted. She's become my hero and my inspiration. Her time is coming to an end and my heart is breaking. They tried to continue fluids (pedialyte) when we realized that she was not tolerating her formula and was having some horrible stuff backing up into her feeding tube. Her stomach began leaking at her tube site, she was dropping her heart rate really really low, and getting weaker. The doctor said that maintaining a very low heartrate would affect her organs and their ability to function. He told me that they usually see this in the begining stages of "the end".
The pedialyte didn't work. Because she was no longer able to digest anything her lungs were absorbing everybit of fluid that we were putting into her body. The morphine they were giving her through her tube in her stomach wasn't being absorbed or digested and did nothing. It was as if they were giving her water to kill the pain. With her lungs filling up with the excess fluids we were in essence, drowning our daughter. I knew that no amount of morphine in the world would compensate for the terrible feeling of drowning. We had to make a decision. She's going to die do we....continue the fluids? drowning her and causing a terribly painful and traumatic death? OR do we stop all fluids etc and manage her pain with a morphine drip to keep her comfortable and able to die a painless peaceful death? We chose the latter.
We've done everything to keep her comfortable. The morphine has had to be increased a couple of times and she does occasionally require an extra "boost" (bolus) for the more severe pain. She's held on for over 10 days with nothing but morphine. She came into this world fighting and is proving that she will leave this world fighting.
I've moved her from the hospital crib to the hospital bed where I sleep. She sleeps on a pillow next to me in the bed and stays in my bed at all times. When family and friends visit they take turn laying next to her since she is too weak and frail to be held and passed around. Her breathing is relaxed but extremely shallow. There are times I have to really get down close to her to see if she's still breathing. Her daddy sleeps in a second hospital bed that they've put in the room.....her room, where she's been each and everytime she's been admitted here...more times than I can remember.
We have a lot of memories in this room,Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, birthdays (hers and other family members') and many more. The nurses on this floor know this room as "Faith's room". Even her nurses have been so broken hearted. Over the last two years they have become part of our family and are sharing in our pain.
We've all told her that she doesn't have to fight anymore and that there's nothing here to hold onto because heaven is waiting for her. She a fighter and a redhead on top of it! I've told our family and friends that I can just imagine Jesus standing at the pearly gates with his hands on his hips, tapping his foot saying "Faith Lynn!! How many times do I have to tell you to come to me?!". Boy is he going to have his hands full when she finally listens and runs through those gates and into his arms. For the first time she'll be able to see, run, walk, talk, laugh, sing, giggle, skip and play. She won't hurt anymore and her body will be perfect. She's fought so hard and touched hundreds if not thousands of lives most of which we'll never know.
I'm so proud of my little "baby Faith". She proved every doctor wrong when she was born and survived, and again when we brought her home. She continued to prove them wrong over the next 2 and a half years and is still proving them wrong on her way out. Who could ask for more in a daughter? She held on and was there when her little sister was born. In my heart I believe that she waited for Abby so she'd know that her mommy and daddy wouldn't be alone and that Abby was ok. Not only has she been an incredible daughter but she's proven to be a terrific big sister.
My heart breaks with every breath that she takes now knowing it could be her last. No parent should ever have to watch their child die. It's agonizing. The pain I feel can't be expressed in words. My heart, body and mind ache so much. My mind can't fathom a life without her....I've devoted every second to caring for her as a mom and as her "nurse", "therapist", and so many more things. Thank God I have Abby or I think my heart might die with Faith when she does. God knows all and now I understand why He gave us Abby. His GRACE is truly sufficient....that's why we names our youngest Abigail Grace.
I've got to close for now. It's night time and all the visitors are gone....it's my special time to curl up with her and talk/sing to her. Daddy's asleep a few feet away, now it's time for mommy and Faith to cuddle...every second could be our last.
1:07 AM
  • Post a comment...
      Ariel Reynolds I usually never really take the time to read blogs that are that long, but when I got through the first sentence it grabbed my attention. Being a new mother it makes you realize the struggles your hild can go through in life, and it makes you think about the more hard times when there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. I was touched when I read this because whe I look at Lily I want to protect her from everything that is out there that can hurt her, but reading this makes me realize that there are somethings that are out there that are un controlable. My heart is out to you, you know that. It always has been. I want to say I hope you're feeling better, but I know that is almost impossible right now. Hang in there. You and Faith have opened my eyes in a whole new light, and if you ever wanna talk you know out numbers. I love you guys and miss you so much!
      Ariel
      ... Show more
      4 years ago
      Angie Gallagher Sweet Luanne, Faith, Abby, & Chris--
      Know you are such an inspiration to so many people. God has done a WONDERFUL work in your family. We are praying for each of you and what your individual struggles are- we love you! I am amazed at your strength and love and cannot think of a more beautiful example of Jesus in the world. This is such a hard time and remember- Joy comes in the Morning!
      Hugs and so much more, Angie (& Crystal & Shae)
      4 years ago
      Amy Conner You are such a strong person! God chose you to be Faith's mother for a reason. You are the best mom. I am so glad Faith isn't suffering anymore and is in heaven probably talking Jesus' ear off. You will never know how much you have touched our lives and I am so glad that I have been able to follow you through this journey.

      Love, Amy
      4 years ago
      Dana Lofton Oh Luanne, my heart goes out to you. You and your family will be in my prayers.
      4 years ago
      Andreanna Burnside- Kou… I know we spoke the other day. it was such a hard call to make there are no words to comfort a greiving mom. Your daughter has inspired sooo many people and will continue to do so even after entering the Lords arms.

      My heart aches for all of you. All my prayers go your way. ((((HUGS))))
      4 years ago
      ~*~Shelley~*~ Please know that you and your family are in our prayers! I cannot begin to imagine how you must feel....when I even barely think of somehting happening to my daughter I freak out. You are so strong.
      I pray that God gives you peace and healing....


      BTW I am Shelley from the Christian Sister's Board.
      4 years ago
      Angela Stanley Lu, you brought me to tears, and I can not even begin to understand the tears you have shed You are an amazing woman, mother and Faith was lucky to have you, just as we were all blessed to have Faith. I love you.
      Lala
      4 years ago
      Courtney Rhoden Harrell lu,

      you are truly my hero. there are no words to express how much faith has touched all of us. we love you and her, and pray for you both daily. LOVE YOU!!!
      4 years ago
      Jerseygirl in Florida Aww Luanne that was so beautiful. We have kept our prayers for Faith and will continue to do so. Please continue to stay strong for Abby, I know it will be hard but as you have already said Faith is such a blessing. Im so grateful that Chris and you both got Over two years with Faith instead of days. Take care Love you lots Jen
      4 years ago
Posted by at No comments:

Lazy Saturday

Oct 6, 2007

Lazy Saturday

It's Saturday and once again I should be cleaning the kitchen/living room/bedrooms/bathrooms and washing clothes. There are plenty of surfaces in my house that need to be dusted but if I do that then when Chris moves something he might not know where to put it back if the nice little ring has been dusted away! Then there's all the old mail, flyers, magazines, and newspapers that need to be sorted through and thrown away, but who really wants to sit and go through all of that? As far as the laundry goes, I'm hesitant to wash anymore clothes because of the mountain of clean clothes that are still waiting to be folded. I'm not sure I want to add to that pile just yet! My best friend was over for dinner last night with her fiance and went into Faith's room. Oops! You see, I had the mountain of clean clothes in the living room on the couch but last week I put them all into bags in my frenzy to straighten before company came. I set the bag in Faith's room until I could get to them to fold them. BIG mistake!! They've been out of sight and out of mind! During the week as we ran out of stuff I dumped all of the clothes out to fish out what we needed. I kept saying I'd fold them in a little while. Well.....as Christin put it so eloquently last night "it looks that the dryer threw up in Faith's room." She's such an honest best friend! lol Think I need to fold?
So with all of these things that are awaiting my attention and could keep me busy all day long and into the night, I ask you one thing....why am I sitting here at the computer browsing around and annoyed at how BORED I am? I'll tell you why....because the babies are sleeping, it's quiet, and being bored out of my mind is far more entertaining than the list of things to do that looms above me like a dark cloud.
I guess I'll get off of the computer now and start tackling my house. At least that's what I've said everytime I've gotten up from the computer over the last few hours. I know that once I get started I'll set a pace and breeze through it, the problem? Getting started! Okay really, I'm going now and I'll get it done. Unless of course Abby wakes up as soon as I start and then I'll have yet another reason to put it off. I'll regret it later when it's not done. In the words of my wise high school English teacher "procrastination will be your downfall!" It was back then and it still is today!!
Okay, really....no really! I'm going now, seriously....I'm getting off of the computer right now and going to clean as soon as.........................
Posted by at No comments:

Walk for Life

Sep 30, 2007

Annual


Yesterday was the annual "Walk for Life". This walk raises money for our local pregnancy crisis center and is testimony of those who are pro-life. It's an important walk to us because of Faith. We could have made a very different choice during the pregnancy but we would have missed out on witnessing an incredible miracle. She has taught us so much about life, determination, hope, the power of prayer, God's grace, FAITH and so so much more.
Last year we had planned on walking as a family; Chris, Faith and I. I began working to raise money from those willing to sponsor Faith in her "walk". By the time we finished she had raised over $1,100.00 dollars in pledges, the most for an individual in the children's category. We were so excited. Then, a few days before the walk Faith became very ill and was hospitalized. She had pneumonia and we almost lost her. Because we had made a commitment to walk, Chris and I went and walked one lap while my mother sat with Faith in the hospital. It was so sad not to have her there with us. So many people asked about her and were heartbroken to hear how ill she was. We left after the first lap to return to the hospital to be with her. She remained in the hospital for 16 days before coming home. It was the first of 6 hospitalizations between September 2006 and April 2007. It was also the first of 3 times that we came close to losing her. Each and every stay was due to pneumonia and was never less than a week long stay. It was a horrendous winter. Luckily springtime came around and her health began to improve.
She has remained healthy this Summer and we were excited that she would be able to "walk" this year along with her little sister! I cannot describe the excitement we were greeted with when we arrived. The organizers were thrilled that Faith was able to make it this year. Several of them have heard her story and been touched by it but had never had the chance to meet her, they were beyond excited! It was so touching to see the effects that our daughter has had on others!
I'm not sure how much was raised in her honor this year, but no matter the amount she touched lives once again. We didn't get a lot of pictures but the slide show above has the few that we were able to snap.
Please keep Faith in your thoughts and prayers. Fall has arrived and not far behind it is Winter, the most detrimental time of year for Faith's health. The cold weather, RSV/Flu/Cold season, and damp air are all hard on her little body which lacks a strong immune system...not to mention the fact that she doesn't maintain her body temperature so we are constantly struggling to keep her warm (even during the summer) without sending her temps in the opposite direction by getting her too warm. It's a constant battle that really is more difficult in the winter time. We need all the prayers we can get on a daily basis!
Thank you for keeping up with us!!! And, thank you for your prayers!!
Posted by at No comments:

"Abby the Screamer"

  •  

    Abby the screamer


    It's one of those days. There is a ton of laundry that needs to be done, closets that need reorganizing, dusting, sweeping, mopping, bathrooms to be cleaned and beds to be made. Yet here I am on the computer getting nothing accomplished. Abby just went down for a nap and I'm trying to savor a few precious and quiet moments for myself!
    I was just talking to my sister about Abby and her newly discovered talent... SCREAMING. Dawn asked me if she was squealing or screaming. I laughed. I suppose it's her way of squealing but she does it to the extreme.
    It's amazing how different things are now. Faith has always been so quiet. She makes sounds and talks when someone is playing with her or during her physical therapy sessions but the rest of the time she's quiet. She'll lay in her crib or sit in her rocking chair quiet as a mouse without a care in the world. Occasionally she'll let out little sounds to let me know that she knows I'm there. Sometimes she'll sneak a smile when she hears someone. Mostly though, she's quiet. She doesn't have to make noise to be noticed. Her life and the fact that she is still here speaks louder than any words or sounds that she could ever hope to say or make. With a testimony like hers, who needs to be loud vocally?
    Then along came Abby. I am suddenly aware that someone at some point installed tornado warning siren inside the house. She is discovering her voice and has learned she can sing Opera! The peace and quiet is shattered into a million pieces once she's awake. The simple things don't entertain her anymore. A new activity is only fun and exciting for the first ninety seconds and then it somehow morphs into a form of torture that sends Abby into a screaming frenzy. Mommy comes to the rescue and plays with her until all is well again and then moves her to a new spot, maybe the swing. Abby grins with delight. She loves her swing. It moves, it plays music, there are animals that dance in a circle above her head and mommy is always thoughtful enough to set a few toys in her lap. Ahhh, this is so much nicer than the floor, she's happy here! I return to the kitchen to load the dishwasher. I can hear her gabbing and sqealing with pleasure at her new surroundings and activities. I put two coffee mugs, a plate and one spoon into the dishwasher and I'm about to grab another plate when suddenly time runs out and Abby is in a panic. As I walk into the living room she's crying her eyes out and screaming at the top of her lungs. I don't know what's wrong but by the panic in her voice the toucan on the mobile must have attacked her. Or maybe the monkey bit her. The toys that had sat on her lap have suddenly come to life and leaped from the swing to escape the enraged human who was beating them on the tray and trying to bite their heads off. They are safe now having flown through the air and landed on the carpet, out of reach! Something horrible happened in that swing because it has now morphed itself into a torture chair. It's time for Faith to eat but first I have to find a safe place for Abby who's now convinced that all of her activity centers and toys are out to get her and she must find a way to stay away from them. The only safe place where she can smile and laugh? Mommy's lap, but I'm getting "sissy" ready to eat. Abby looks around, her eyes wide in panic but quiet staring at me as if to whisper "mommy! hurry up! My swing is going to swallow me up. I have to get out of here!" A few minues later as I start the feeding pump for Faith, Abby's pleading whispers to me to rescue her have now turned into sheer panic again and her eyes seem as though they might just pop out of her head if I don't rescue her from the jungle right this second!!!
    I swoop her up to safety and she thanks me with a smile from ear to ear. She looks back at her swing and furrows her brow as if to say "HA! My mommy turn your power button OFF!!! You can't get me now!" We'll play for a while, maybe 10 minutes or so then the frenzy will return; this time even mommy's arms or lap won't help. We'll have to break out the heavy artillary....the bottle, a force to be reckoned with!! No one, not even Abby can fight the effects of a warm bottle, the glider, mommy's arms, and the sound of mommy's "shh-shh-ssshhh".
    Maybe after that I can load the dishwasher and eat lunch. By the time that's done she'll be awake again and the battle will once again be underway!
    10:06 AM
    • Post a comment...
        Dana Lofton Luanne, you should be a writer. I know that it was probably not funny at the time, but your take of Abby was so hillarious!! She sounds like she is going to keep you on your toes!!
    • Posted by at No comments:
    Sep 27, 2007

    Living Faith

    In August of 2004 I found out that I was 5 weeks pregnant. My doctor wanted to send me to a perinatologist to assist in my care during my pregnancy because of my diabetes. When I was 11 weeks along I drove out to Pensacola for my first visit with the peri. After the ultrasound the doctor came in and told us that he was seeing an encephalocele on the baby. He explained to us that this was a Neural Tube Defect and meant that the skull had not closed and part of the baby's brain was growing outside of the skull. He said that he wanted to bring me back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound to see if there would be any changes. He said that if there weren't any changes we would have some very difficult decisions to make because this baby would not be compatible with life and he walked out of the room. Two weeks went by and we returned to the office and we were seen by a different doctor. After the ultrasound he took my hand and said "I'm so sorry, but we've confirned the diagnosis." They took us into a consultation room where they offered me my "choices". I could termnate or continue but if I chose to continue I needed to realize that if the baby made it to term and through the birth it would not live long after. It wasn't a choice for me, the only option was to continue and give God a chance to do His will. We didn't buy anything for the baby realizing that we would never bring her home with us. I was determined to enjoy whatever time God gave us with this baby. The months were long and difficult. We went to MANY appointments and watched as the baby grew and became more and more active.
    The day after Thanksgiving we found out that we were having a girl. I knew then that her name HAD to be Faith because that was the ONLY thing getting me through the pregnancy. At 8 months we met a pediatric neurosurgeon who told us that she had treated many babies with encephaloceles and not to give up hope. Treatment was possible but would depend on Faith and the severity of her condition. We did decided that a c-section would be best and set the date for April 1st. We had not bought anything for the baby and were told that that was a wise decision because we could not know what would happen. As my father said, we enjoyed playing with her in the womb because we didn't think we'd get any other time with her. They told us all of the things that could be wrong with her such as deafness, blindness, paralysis, heart trouble, deformed limbs or organs, chromosonal problems, or even a state of vegitation. It was all in God's hands and we were trusting Him. A date for the c-section was set and we waited for April 1st.
    After a very long and difficult pregnancy, Faith was born by c-section in the middle of a stormy April Fool's day. She came out breathing on her own and doing better than anyone imagined. She had brain surgery at 3 days old that lasted 4 hours. The encephalocele was reduced from 28cm to 12cm during the surgery. The remainder was left becase she has functioning brain and a main artery in it. Her chromosone tests came back normal!! She isn't paralized or deaf and none of her limbs are deformed. Her heart is in perfect condition as are the rest of her organs. She does have oral delays and difficulties and cannot take anything orally because she does not suck. Therefore, she also had surgery to have a G-tube put in so that we could feed her. They have told us that she is blind but that's not a problem for us. We are just thankful that we have her to hold and love at home with us. She is growing everyday and learning to pick up that head of hers. "A little Faith can bring BIG miracles!" Continue to pray for her!!
    Posted by at No comments:
    Subscribe to: Comments (Atom)